Sometimes Holding On Is Easier Than Letting Go
I knew it was over months ago. My heart wasn’t in this relationship anymore. You made it so hard to love you and I started to break away.
I know you noticed my cold demeanor and my one-worded answers to all the conversations you tried to start. I failed to update you on my whereabouts and began to do things I said I would never do to you. I started to miss your phone calls and texts on purpose. I hung out with friends without telling you I would be home late. I began to shut you out.
You became just my roommate. We once couldn’t keep our hands off each other and at this point, I found it painful to sleep next to you. We were strangers sharing the same bed. And I was so lonely, I knew you were too. I should have just left instead of letting it get here. How can you be in the same room with someone and still feel lonely?
I tried not to give up even though my heart already knew. It was time to let you go, time to start new. I found it hard to let my mind accept what my heart already figured out. I always said that “love is not fleeting”, but here I was, my love for you was depleting. Maybe I wasn’t even in love with you at all but I tried, I tried so hard.
I held on for so long thinking that things could change. That maybe we were just having a really bad row. But deep in my heart, i knew it was time to let go. You are a great person, I hold nothing against you. We were just not meant to be together.
For months, I continued to try to feel something for you again. I know I was just delaying the inevitable. But sometimes holding on is just easier than letting go.