Do You Love Me?
“Do you love me?”, I asked and without hesitation you answered, “Of course I do! Don’t you feel it?”.
I felt it. It’s been months and I felt it from the beginning. You were amazing, we were amazing and there was an obvious connection between us. I loved you then and I loved you still. That bond we had was undeniable, my heart connected with yours and I felt it through my whole body with your touch, your kiss, and being so close to you. It was wonderful but I needed to hear it.
Like a lot of people, women especially, I clouded my mind with questions which led to a few insecurities when I was alone in my thoughts. I felt that what we had was so real, but when I couldn’t physically be with you or talk to you, I began to psych myself out. What about all the in-betweens, the what-ifs, the questions that consume my mind when we couldn’t be together? “Does he really love me?”, “Is he thinking about me?”, “Does he really care?”, “Am I the only one in this?”. These are the times when words fill in those little voids. Your touch was missing, the way you gazed into my eyes and I got lost for a moment, that electrifying feeling I felt when we touched, that absolute connection we had when we spent time together, it all felt like it was put to a halt when we couldn't be near each other. We had our own lives to attend to and as much as I wanted to be with you all the time, that would be unhealthy and we would probably start hating each other for it.
Growing up in a very loving family, we were all there for each other and saying “I love you” was important. Yes, they were just words but those words were validated by our actions and vice versa. We were present and we did as much as we could for each other. Life can end in the blink of an eye and you never know when it’s the last time you will see someone, so why not say the words that your heart feels? All goodbyes should come with an, “I love you” as it could very well be the last one. Wouldn’t those words be the best last words you could ever say to anyone? Words are just as powerful as actions. That’s why some words can be so hurtful and words like “I love you” can touch our hearts in a way no other words can.
I am in no way diminishing the importance of actions. We always want to show the people we love how much we care for them as much as we could. We would never want them to question it. When you love someone, showing them should come naturally, almost like second nature and of course putting in the work is essential, but life can be stressful, sometimes we don’t feel our best and the truth is, we don’t exude love all the time. Butterflies and hearts don’t ooze out of our crevices 24/7. We are not unicorns.
We all have our down days, where stress is written all over our faces, we just don’t feel ourselves, or we might just be exhausted. Everyone gets upset from time to time, tension can build up, and we all have disagreements. All of this can be misconceived as a loss of care, a loss of love, or loss of interest. Saying those three words become so meaningful in these moments. Even comments like “I love you but you are making me mad right now.” or “I love you but I am so stressed about work” communicates to your loved ones that despite all the hardships of life, the distress, disagreements, or not feeling our best, the love remains. You may not be able to show your love or it may not seem like it’s present, but regardless of the way we may feel in a moment, we should always let the closest ones to us know that they are indeed still loved.
We can’t show love all the time. That’s when words become just as important as actions and sometimes we just need to hear it.